Memories of never to be
by DragonGirl90
Summary: Memories that trip through time, memories that aren't and yet are your own, memories of never to be.


**hello everyone, this is an old thing, i found it, somehow it got slipped into one of my binders and forgotten, i did only some minor editing, i dunno i kind of like this thing, it kind of hit me, i guess i've had memories of never to be myself, they are memories, clear as if i lived them, yet fuzzy like a dream, i dunno it's hard to explain, maybe i'm just a little nuts, anyway i felt like posting it and typed it up as soon as i had read it over.**

Memories of never to be.

'_Where am I?'_ I opened my eyes finding myself in a city, how had I gotten here, surly I wasn't blacking out that badly was I? "Oh my god the boys!" I sat up straight looking for my sons they were nowhere to be seen. It was dark, and rainy, there really wasn't anyone on the streets but a few people dashing to the shelter they had for some reason left.

"Fullmetal, quit whining and pick up the pace" I turned around seeing a man looking behind him at his companion.

"Edward?" it escaped my mouth before I knew it, sure the young man bore an uncanny resemblance to my son, but he was too old to be my Edward this boy was at least a teenager, not my little five year old.

The teen and man both looked at me as if just noticing me there.

"Fullmetal, do you know her?" the man asked.

The teen was staring at me as if he'd just seen a ghost and did not respond for a couple minutes, while I was taken in by his eye color, I hadn't been able to see it before, but I only knew two people with that eye color in the world.

"Mom?" the teen whispered just loud enough to be heard. Somehow that one question settled it, somehow this was my son, I walked over and hugged him feeling him stiffen at first as if he were unused to the gesture and I had to wonder what was going on right now. I knew now, I was in the future, somehow, and something was wrong, and I was going to find out what. Slowly he relaxed a little hugging me lightly back.

"My little man" I murmured pulling away "look at you, how old are you, what's going on?" I had so many questions.

"Fullmetal?" the man asked interrupting Edward "what is going on, that is a good question."

Edward looked angrily at the man "like I know, can we just get out of the rain now bastard?"

"Edward, where did you get that language!" I was shocked. Edward looked a little embarrassed muttering a 'sorry mom' while the man started laughing.

"I think I like you! I've never seen him react like that to anyone" the man laughed.

"Shut up" Edward growled "if the only reason you dragged me out here was because you're useless in this weather then I'm leaving you can walk yourself home" with that said Edward began walking back the way they had come.

"Fullmetal, get back here!"

"Excuse me but why do you keep calling him Fullmetal?" I asked the man.

Edward stopped walking and looked down as if ashamed "I'm a state alchemist mom, that's my title" he said softly before the man could say anything.

"What?" my baby a state alchemist "that can't be, I'd never let you…"

"Maybe we should talk about this somewhere dryer, my house is just a block away" the man said Edward nodded and the two began walking I followed determined to figure out what was going on.

The man let us in and offered me a towel to dry off. Which I took gratefully Edward just clapped his hands and he was soon dry, I was too angry at hearing he was part of the military to show how impressed I was with that. "Now Edward, what is going on?" I asked sitting on the couch.

"What do you want to know" he asked avoiding eye contact, the man stood in the threshold leaning against the door observing, I though hard about what I wanted to know first.

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen, I joined the military when I was twelve" still avoiding eye contact, he was hiding something from me and I was going to have to ask him questions to figure out how to get it out of him.

"What about Alphonse?"

"He's not in the military"

"How is he?"

"… Fine"

"Edward, how is your brother?"

"… He's fine, like I said"

I felt the man watching us, I wasn't sure of what he was doing, was he just trying to hear more about Edward, what was he to my son anyway, now that he was out of his raincoat I could see he was in the military uniform. "Who is that man?"

"I'm his superior, Colonel Roy Mustang" the man said walking over.

"Ok, why did you join the military?" I asked still trying to hit on what my son was hiding from me.

"… To fix my mistake"

"What mistake is that? And how could being a solider help fix it?!"

Edward started chewing on his bottom lip looking down at the ground hiding behind his rather long bangs, I just noticed his hair was braided too, it was rather long.

"Fullmetal?" the Colonel's voice was different than when he'd been speaking to Edward earlier, it sounded concerned almost like the man knew what Edward was hiding and would help him protect it if asked.

Edward let out a breath before looking up quickly tears in his eyes "why didn't you tell anyone you were sick?!" he demanded looking into my eye now.

"Sick? What are you talking about? I'm not sick." I said "and what does that have to do with…"

"You died! You died and we were all alone! Maybe if you had seen a doctor earlier then maybe… maybe you wouldn't have… wouldn't have died" Ed started shouting but then ended quieter.

I was shocked and had to search for my voice before I stuttered out "what about your father?"

"That bastard never came back! Al and I were left with no one" Edward's voice sounded hollow. He had resumed staring at the floor, "there's something that you should see" he said quietly shrugging off the bright red coat he'd been in and fiddling with the black over coat. When the fabric fell away I took in a gasp seeing the huge scar and the metal arm.

"Automail on my baby!" I whispered to myself unable to take my eyes off it.

"My left leg too" he muttered "Al lost more though, it was the price we had to pay"

"How much did Alphonse lose, and what happened, I don't understand"

"We tried to bring you back; we thought we couldn't lose anymore, that we couldn't live without you."

"But that's" I didn't know much about alchemy but I knew that what he was saying was a forbidden act.

"Yeah, and for a good reason, Al lost his whole body, and I lost the leg, I paid my arm to grab his soul and put it in the suit of armor in the corner. That's what I need to fix mom, I need to find a way to fix Al and maybe myself too" he sounded old, much too old. I hugged him feeling tears fall down my face at the thought of what my babies had been through.

"Your son is known as the 'hero of the people' he's helped a lot of people out since he started."

"You know but…" I recalled my husband mentioning that the punishment from the military for trying to bring a human back to life was death, if the military knew then would they kill my babies?!

"I know, I've been keeping it secret from the rest of the military, they were young and didn't know what they were doing, and had no one to tell them so. And Fullmetal is an outstanding alchemist, probably better than most of the other state alchemists put together." The Colonel said "they've messed up, but they've taken responsibility for it, you should be proud of them"

"Thank you" now I saw what he really was, he was a father figure, and I felt I could trust him with my son's he had an air of someone who looked after his own men. "For looking after them" I sighed feeling a tugging, and knew that my stay here was over, I had to go back.

"Mom?" Edward looked up as my vision faded "MOM!" he reached out for me before I blacked out.

"Mom? Mom wake up" I opened my eyes to see my boys looking at me concerned.

"What is it?"

They looked at each other "you wouldn't wake up" Edward said "are you feeling alright mom?"

"Yes, just tired" I smiled standing up and noticing that it was rather late "how does leftover stew sound to you guys?"

"Stew!" Edward cheered.

"Yummy!" Alphonse added.

They ran off ahead to the house while I followed thinking about that odd dream.

"_Why didn't you tell anyone you were sick! You died!"_

I shivered remembering that from the dream. Maybe I should, it couldn't hurt anyway, even if that was just a dream. I decided that I'd get checked out tomorrow.

Ten years later~

"Hello?" Roy Mustang looked at the blond boy who had opened the door. For a brief second he saw the boy dressed in red and black with longer hair tied in a braid, and then it was gone. "What do you want?"

"Uh, is Hoehenime here?" Roy asked holding up a paper. "I'm looking for him"

"Yeah, join the club, that bastard left years ago" the boy growled.

"Edward language!" Trisha reprimanded "really why do you call your father such bad names?"

"Sorry mom" Edward mumbled.

"Sorry about that colonel Mustang." Trisha sighed before both Edward and Roy looked at her surprised.

"Mom? Do you know this guy?"

"How did you?"

"Oh… I don't know…" Trisha said unsure herself about why that had slipped out, fait memories of a far off dream tickled her mind then left again. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes please" Roy sighed coming in accepting the offered hospitality.

"Edward, why don't you and Alphonse go over to Winry's for a bit?"

"Why mom?" Alphonse asked coming in. "and who is that"

"The flame alchemist" Edward muttered before blinking "uh…"

"Fullmetal?" Roy asked before also finding himself wondering what was with him too.

"Uh, maybe mom's right, let's go Al" Edward shook off his confusion and turning to leave followed close behind.

In the end Roy returned to central and wrote up yet another report on the ongoing search for the elusive Hoehenime.

At home he took out a small notebook that he used as a journal.

Still no luck on finding Hoehenime, but I met his family. The most peculiar thing is that we all seemed to know each other though we'd never before met, and in a different respect than we really were. I'm not sure how to describe it.

I think the only thing that gives any justice to the experience is an odd phrase that I think I heard from my father once after he lost his sanity talking about seeing other worlds.

"Memories that trip through time, memories that are not your own and yet fit, memories of never to be"

**... can anyone say random POV change, anyway press the nice green button please and thank you.**

**oh and to anyone that revewed Kidnapping gone wrong, thanks i really was not expecting anything for that.**


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